More than a third of Americans say they have ended a relationship over political disagreements, according to recent research, and marriage and family therapists say the same fractures are now showing up in long-term partnerships and marriages.
Dr. Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist based in Massachusetts, says she regularly counsels couples who cannot get through a conversation about politics without it derailing everything else.
“A lot of couples come in and they want to work on communication, and politics can come up in our sessions,” Elton, author of “The Formula of Desire,” told Fox News Digital. “I work with a number of couples who are in this place where they have a family, they have kids, but they can’t talk about politics.”
Even some of the country’s most prominent political couples have made mixed marriages work — Democratic strategist James Carville and his wife, Republican consultant Mary Matalin, have stayed together for decades despite being on opposite sides of the aisle. But Elton says most couples find the balancing act harder than it looks.
Singles Are Screening for Politics Early
Elton says political compatibility has become a filter younger singles apply before they even go on a first date. She points to research showing that younger adults often make assumptions about a stranger’s religion, gender roles and even their capacity for empathy based solely on party affiliation.
“So, before you get to know the person, you’ve already created this assumption of who this person is,” Elton said. “I’ve definitely been hearing from my younger clients who are saying, ‘I want to know which political party this person belongs to, and then I’ll see if I want to even be going on a date and wasting my time with this person.'”
For couples who married decades ago, she notes, today’s polarized climate presents friction that simply didn’t exist when they first got together.
Three Ways to Keep Political Talk From Wrecking a Relationship
Elton offered three concrete strategies for couples trying to navigate political disagreement without letting it corrode the relationship.
Set ground rules before the conversation starts. Elton says the first three minutes of any charged discussion usually determine how it ends, so couples should agree on boundaries in advance rather than let tone dictate the outcome. “So, before you talk, say, ‘Okay, these are our boundaries for this conversation,'” she said.
That same discipline should extend to media consumption, she added. Constant scrolling through political content, especially on social media, can create what she calls an “illusionary effect” — repeated exposure to one-sided information that gradually feels like settled fact. “Now think about two people who are in their echo chambers, and they’re exposed to certain information that is contradicting each other,” she said.
Elton recommends couples make sure they’re not spending more time on their phones than engaging with each other, and suggests one phone-free date night a week to rebuild face-to-face connection.
Agree to disagree, without turning disagreement into judgment. “We can still love each other,” Elton said. “It’s not going to affect our relationship.” The trouble starts, she said, when a partner’s political belief gets treated as a verdict on their entire character. “As soon as it gets to the point of seeing your partner through the lens of ‘if you believe this, this is who you are, and I can’t believe that I’m still in a relationship with you,’ that becomes a problem.”
She encourages couples to approach disagreements with curiosity rather than taking them personally — looking at the same information together and letting each partner ask questions and reach their own conclusions instead of launching into a debate. Finding common ground, rather than framing every issue as black-and-white, matters more than winning an argument, she said.
Reconnect after every disagreement. Elton stresses that couples should reaffirm their bond after any political friction, even if nothing was resolved. Simple reassurances — “I love you,” “you matter to me more than anything else” — go a long way. “I feel like you always need to say, ‘Hey, I hear what you’re saying, but I’m not agreeing, and that’s okay,'” she said.
Don’t Let Others Take Sides
Elton also warned against pulling friends or family into a political dispute with a spouse, since it can poison how others view the relationship. “You can create this triangulation where you’re connecting with someone against your partner, and you don’t want that,” she said. “Talk to your therapist, vent to your therapist … because if you start venting to your family and friends, then they start forming certain opinions about your partner, and it can affect how they talk to them, how they interact with them.”
Before anyone makes a drastic decision — including ending a relationship over political discord — Elton suggests slowing down and questioning the assumptions being made. “We hear certain things and we fill in the gaps,” she said. “When we hear someone’s political affiliation, we often make assumptions about who they are without really hearing them out.”
Her advice to couples on opposite ends of the political spectrum: stay curious, ask questions, and resist judging a partner by the media or podcasts they consume.
