A nationally syndicated advice column published this week features a letter signed by an “Exasperated Uncle in Ohio,” though the bulk of the piece centers on an unrelated letter from a different reader about a family holiday dinner that ended in a confrontation over racist comments.
In that first letter, a woman wrote to Dear Abby describing a relative with a history of making racist remarks at family gatherings. She said the family had warned that if it happened again at a holiday dinner, she and her husband would leave. When the comments were repeated, her husband raised his voice at the relative, made polite excuses to the rest of the table, and the couple packed up and drove two hours home rather than staying overnight as planned. The writer said other relatives have since called repeated family meetings accusing her husband of ruining the dinner and demanding he apologize, while she believes the apology should run the other way.
“That dinner was far from ‘perfectly nice.’ Your husband was not out of line, and I applaud you for taking a stand,” Dear Abby responded, adding that the extended family “became complicit in the hate speech” by acting as a willing audience.
The columnist advised the writer to skip future gatherings with the relatives involved unless they promise the behavior will not be repeated.
The second letter, signed “Exasperated Uncle in Ohio,” raised a separate family matter: a nephew in his 40s who rarely returns calls and becomes overwhelmed emotionally during family crises, leaving other relatives to manage difficult moments without his support. Dear Abby suggested the family rely on the man’s sister to relay news to him and limit the length of emotionally draining phone calls when he does reach out.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, the pen name used by Jeanne Phillips, who has written the column for nearly four decades. It was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
