Author: Sutton Porter

Sutton Porter is a standup comic, producer for Politics and Profits with Rick Amato, former producer at One America News and the Dr. Phil show.

Rising cost of living, safety, convenience, rural areas, or great shopping may all have you asking the question Should I move? If you are pondering a relocation, this handy guide can offer you a glimpse into what you might expect in your quest for a new location. A few months ago, Money Geek published a list of the safest and most dangerous cities to live. In this article we will look at some on their list, and my suggestions/rebuttal. Provo, Utah made the list of top safest, let’s break that down. While it is true Provo is relatively safe, newcomers…

Read More

Philadelphia, PA is not known for its genteel conversation, but has decided to replicate New Jersey’s Board of Education decision that voted to remove male and female from the student’s language. However, Philly wanted to pick something that everyone not just students were comfortable hearing, like loser. No longer the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia will now be known as “The City of Youz Losers, it’s Not an Insult, We Only Say it if We Like You-It’s a Philly Thing”. “Look we call cheese-ish toppings for hoagies whiz, it’s not a problem” “Hey loser, how do you like yer footlong,…

Read More

A bear that was caught on video taking a swim in a residential Burbank, CA pool, was just catching a break from the heatwave currently hitting southern California when he was confronted by the Burbank police dept. The officers said we don’t usually get calls around here about bears in pools, it’s usually drunk cougars trying to entice young actors to take a dip. The bear, who is an out of work actor recently joined the Writers Guild of America and Screen Actors Guild/AFTRA strike to support his fellow thespians. All was going splendidly when I got a little hangry…

Read More

It’s late July and that means it’s time for Shark Week. The popular week-long shark infested programing hit the airwaves 35 years ago on The Discovery Channel, making the toothy predator a terrifying summer icon. This shark week is a bit different, a new selachimorpha is on the scene and this one is high. Cocaine sharks apparently have been ingesting bags of cocaine seemingly dumped by drug traffickers off the coast of Florida for many years. The popularity of Cocaine Bear has led to a new interest in Cocaine Sharks. Taking advantage of their new celebrity the sharks are seeking…

Read More

Online travel agencies and United Airlines teamed up with US Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg this week. The partnership is a result of thousands of flights being delayed over the weekend and extending into this week that left travelers stranded at the airport. “Tips for Airport Vacations” will provide a guide for travelers without ever expecting to leave the airport. Yes, you heard that right, you are staying right in the airport for your vacation. Some of the amenities and activities include free blankets and your inflatable vest “pillow” for your weeklong stay. There is the luggage throwing contest-bonus points…

Read More

According to actor, Elliot Page the answer is yes. Page just released his new memoir, Pageboy in which the actor states he who was then she felt intimidated and stressed on the set of the movie, Inception because of a cast full of straight men. Page said the pressure spurred a case of shingles. C’mon, really, did they enter Page’s dreams and rub on her? The studios are not that far from West Hollywood and relief from straight guys is not far away if you don’t have to get on the 101. The most prominent symptom of the shingles virus…

Read More

Former campaign manager for presidential candidate Chris Christie, Hobo Ken was removed from his position for making false claims to the Department of Justice.  Ken jealous of the media attention Former President Trump was receiving since his indictment devised a plan to get Christie more airtime. The ousted campaign director went full whistleblower and claimed Christie was guilty of wrong-doing which resulted in charges being brought against the former New Jersey Governor and presidential candidate, for perceived past offenses. Startling claims date back to many years ago and are posted below. Conspiracy to enter a closed beach during a government…

Read More

Hearkening back to his days with former President Obama, Joe Biden summoned up the czar list and appointed Rufus Duhamel to oversee his unintentional pratfalls. Duhamel told reporters it is his job to make sure that any obstacles in the President’s path will be addressed and eradicated prior to Biden entering or exiting potentially dangerous scenarios. When asked to further elaborate, Rufus red-flagged areas of concern such as Air Force One, going into full Liam Neeson Taken character saying, “I don’t know what you want, I know you are an airplane, and I will pursue you”. It is to be…

Read More